She would have been 13 today. Dakota Elizabeth, our 1st daughter. Born and died thirteen years ago today. We were so young. It’s hard to believe it ever happened. It seems like a memory of someone else’s story. Yet it wasn’t. It was a time in my life that I would definitely define as the hardest thing I’ve ever been through.
A few weeks ago a song came to my mind. A song that must have been very popular on our local Christian radio in the fall of 1997. I had a little trouble finding it because I could only remember a few words and I couldn’t even remember who sings it. Well I found it. It’s a song by Wes King called Thought You'd Be Here (click on the song title to listen). When I played the song again I remembered every word! As the words flooded back into my memory so did the events of that time. I remembered lying in my bed when the alarm would go off to this song. It brought tears every time…still does actually. I could remember the doctor telling Joe and I “the death of our baby will be caused by blah, blah, blah” I never heard what he said next. I couldn’t get past the first part about my baby dying. I wasn’t ready for that…but then again are you ever? I remembered the flower they put on my hospital door so that the staff was aware that my baby had died. I remember all the people that prayed for us, brought us meals, sent us books and letters of encouragement. I remembered my nursing class coming to the funeral. I remembered the tiny casket which at the time I thought “this isn’t right, they shouldn’t even have to make caskets this small.” I remember the strength of my husband when all I could do was cry.
And I remember that God held us through it. The hope in knowing that God has a plan for me and my family. He wrote the book, he knows the ending, and he’s taking care of sweet little Dakota better than I ever could have. Don’t get me wrong, I had a hard time accepting that at first. Now, 13 years later, I know that God was holding us tight through all of it.
They say time heals. I believe it does to some degree. It softens the pain of the wounds anyway. I can look at each of my children and see the mighty hand of God in a magnificent way knowing that he created each of them and put them in my care…for now. I am reminded through Dakota’s death how short life is and how easily I take the everyday for granted. Give each of your kids an extra hug today…for me.
Happy Birthday baby!
